We've already talked about some of the special dates and celebrations that are shared by part of the LGBTI community. I think now is a good time to bring up the fact that like any group of people with something in common the LGBTI community is not a homogenous group by any stretch of the imagination. Diversity within the community is celebrated and embraced. So here is my disclaimer, I am writing from my perspective and the experiences I have; you get my opinions and I am not speaking on behalf of the entire community. I am sure that others may chime in with alternative viewpoints and I look forward to that. You'll also note that I refer to it as Marriage Equality instead of Gay Marriage. It is not Gay Marriage I am hoping for, it is simply marriage. A great quote explains this well.
"It's very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage, or as I like to call it: 'MARRIAGE' you know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch; I parked my car, I didn't gay park it."
The special dates and celebrations I want to talk about is the event that many people celebrate across the world day in and day out. Marriage!
Marriage equality has been topical for many years and over these years we have seen countries and states move to legislate for marriage equality. Within this time frame we have also seen countries, including Australia, alter legislation to specifically exclude same-sex couples from marriage. This happened in Australia in 2004. The first same sex marriage law in the world was signed in the Netherlands in December 2000. Hard to believe that was a mere 14 years ago and on a side note it was a month after Monique and I had our Commitment Ceremony.
Why is marriage important? No doubt you have heard or thought yourself ; "Does it really matter? What difference does a piece of paper make?"
Always an interesting conversation. It's true there is no piece of paper in the world that literally makes a difference to anyone or for anything. What does make a difference is the symbolism and what that paper represents throughout society. Some LGBTI people do not want to get married just as there are straight people who do not want to marry. The difference between the two groups, in places where there is not yet marriage equality, is that one group has the option and the other does not.
Marriage equality does not and will not address all discrimination there is toward LGBTI people however what it does do is act as a tipping point. In the absence of marriage equality fundamental changes for LGBTI people will not gather significant momentum. Societal changes will happen when the greater majority of people no longer accept inequality and marriage equality is the most visible of these inequalities. For those of you who are married imagine if you were told you were unable to marry or your marriage were null and void. Consider what rights, recognition, assumptions and values are placed on the status of being married.
Where I stand on this issue is that I believe every same sex couple should have the choice to marry. That is the only option for equality when it comes to recognition of relationships. I believe the Marriage Ceremony should be separated from the legal Marriage Act. By separating the two it would allow religious institutions to conduct ceremonies and rituals while also allowing them to determine under what conditions they would and would not perform these. e.g. if they choose not to conduct marriage ceremonies for same sex couples they should retain this right, just as the catholic church does now in relation to divorced people. The legal contract of marriage defined in the Marriage Act should be available to all couples regardless of gender thus providing the only possible fully equal status in regard to relationships.
Some quick questions/comments and responses.
- Isn't a civil union enough? No it's not. There is no way to be equal if the rights of individuals differ depending on the gender of their partner. Equal but different is not an option.
- Why not call it something different than marriage and just have the same rights? For the same reason above different cannot be equal.
- Marriage is a Christian sacrament and the Bible does not allow marriage equality. Marriage ceremonies and marriages actually predate Christianity. Marriages are performed within other religions and in Australia more marriages are conducted outside of a church than within.
- Once there is same-sex marriage people will want to marry their dog next. The old slippery slope argument. There is but one response to this. Marriage is between two unrelated adults who are able to consent. This sentence negates all the wild slippery slope arguments - children are unable to consent, animals are unable to consent, siblings are related and so on. (I am excluding arranged marriages here)
- Marriage cannot be redefined. Marriage has actually been on a long road of evolution from its inception. From dowries to arranged marriages and family connections to the idea of love about 250 years ago. Other changes have included mixed religion marriages, interracial marriages, marriages prompting feuding between powerful families and different classes. Marriage has well and truly been redefined there is no valid reason to stop here.
In a future blog I will tell you all about our commitment ceremony.
What are your thoughts on Marriage Equality? As always remember I invite your questions and comments.
A
Copyright Adele Fisher 2014
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