Nature, nurture or neither?

Over the years I have spent a lot of time discussing with people the importance of proving that being gay was not a choice and that looking for the genetic 'cause' was key to achieving equality.  Surely if it were proven that we had no choice in the matter the bigotry and discrimination would have to cease.  Just like the colour of our hair, eyes and skin; if we didn't choose, how can we be considered bad, wrong, disordered, ungodly or any of the other terms used to describe people in the LGB community and how could people continue to suggest that we need to be 'cured' or change our 'lifestyle choice'. 

I strongly argued the value of finding the 'gay gene' and the genetic answer to this seemingly essential question. I debated and discussed with people who had a different opinion and didn't feel a need to find a cause so to speak.  I was always unsure how they could feel this way, surely they understood how helpful this would be?  Groundbreaking? The key to everything?  Utopia.

I am now less convinced about how important this actually is and whether it would be beneficial or potentially harmful to find an elusive gene.  Let's consider if it were medically proven that being gay was actually genetic.  Where would that leave us?  Potentially it would leave us in a position where it could be considered a defect and therefore something to be medicated, treated and cured.

What are my thoughts now?  Is it a choice?  Does it matter?  I don't believe it does.  Should we be hunting for a genetic answer - I don't know.  I actually believe sexuality is on a spectrum and just like so many variants in life people are spread along a broad range of possibilities and the possibilities are endless and unique to each individual - as unique as our fingerprint.  Just as a straight person is unable to pin point the moment they chose to be straight and why they are attracted to a certain person, I believe it is the same across the spectrum of sexuality.  When you fall in love it is indeed with a person not a gender. 

What do we know?  Painting a boy's toenails or fingernails will not make him gay.  A young girl who prefers to play with trucks will not be a lesbian as a result of this.  You cannot turn someone gay.  Allowing a child, youth or adult to be themselves and love who they love will help them have a strong sense of self and will directly reduce the amount of self harm and suicide. 

This is something we can all do to make a difference and that should be where our efforts as a society are going.  Stop discrimination and fight homophobia.  Acknowledging that some people are same-sex attracted, others attracted to their opposite sex and every possible gender and sexuality variation in between is the ideal approach we can take.  Why?  It will save lives.  We are not seeking the straight gene and therefore there is no reason to seek the gay one. 

Thoughts? 

A

Adele Fisher Copyright 2014

Youth bullying, suicide and parenting - everyone is responsible for helping whether you accept it or not.

WARNING this post contains offensive language.  

Have you been guilty of saying that if it isn't one thing it will be another thing that children get bullied for?  I know I certainly have.  Have you  or your friends/family used the words; gay, poofter, shirt lifter, queer, butch, dyke, carpet muncher, nellie, poof, bum chum, lesbo, homo and the list goes on and gets weirder, to negatively describe a person or a situation?  What about jokes which stereotype and degrade LGBTI people such as: 

Six mates were seated at the bar, each trying to impress one another with
the size of their dicks. The bragging went on for almost an hour, and the
bartender got tired of hearing that shit, so he said, "Let's put an end to
all this crap and find out who's lying and who isn't. Each of you whip out
your dong and lay it on the bar." All six of then did.
Just at that moment a faggot walked into the bar, and the bartender asked
him if he wanted a drink.
The queer looked down the bar, and in a lisping voice, he said, "No thanks,
I'll just have some of the buffet."

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
Lickalotapus 

I think it is true to say that many of us have heard these terms used as a negative description of something or someone and similar jokes at the very least.  We may have internally cringed but how many of us have said NO, please stop using that language or NO that joke was not funny?  

It might be at this stage of the post I expect some people consider this might not be a big issue.  Words are words right and they can do no or little harm.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Whilst teaching our own children not to bully and supporting them when they are bullied is helpful I believe we have a broader responsibility.  This responsibility is to specifically address bulling topics individually, provide our children and young adults with strategies for themselves and help them learn to respect and support their peers and fellow people. Collectively as parents, peers, teachers, family members, friends and school students we can make these words and jokes if not a thing of the past at least something that is not routinely role modeled to children and then replicated by children.  We can make these as offensive to the general public as racist statements and jokes and terms which degrade those with physical or mental injuries/illnesses.  Why?  What I have described are fundamentally part of the individual and therefore it is abhorrent to be used negatively.  

On the subject of youth who are same-sex attracted who takes responsibility for protecting them from this hate and who helps to educate the world?  Are our schools and homes specifically addressing that our own children or their peers may be same-sex attracted? Or are some people uncomfortable having the discussion? If this isn't happening are we actually leaving some of the most at risk youth to fend for themselves? 

This is not all doom, gloom and negativity.  Not only have homophobic attitudes decreased over time but alongside that there are many initiatives and programs around to support same-sex attracted youth.  Some of these include: students at Australian public schools who are pledging to not allow the term "so gay" to be used by anyone at the school (this initiative was proposed by the students themselves), Wear it Purple day was introduced in Sydney in 2010 and is celebrated internationally to raise awareness of rainbow youth suicide and homophobic bullying, the Open Doors youth program specifically designed to support youth in the LGBTI community,  IDAHO day is a day to highlight action against homophobia and Australian football codes publicly uniting against homophobia.  How many of you have heard of these initiatives or special days?  

More info on the students banning the term 'So Gay'

Despite the progress there remains a long way to go.  Statistics show that two thirds of young same-sex attracted people have contemplated suicide and 80% are bullied for being gay.  These outcomes impact on every aspect of life for these youth.  Academic performance, peer relationships not to mention mental health.  One quarter of those bullied experience the bullying on a daily basis.  If bullying is at school it often doesn't go away at the end of the day where they should be able to return to the safe confines of their home.  Cyber bullying can make this a constant major stressor from the moment a child opens their eyes to when they fall asleep at the end of the day.  

More info on statistics 

So why is this the responsibility of all of us even those who oppose equality?  It is our responsibility because these are our youth, our children, our grandchildren, our nieces and nephews, the children of our friends and our children's peers who are being damaged and we can stop it together.  If we don't stop it the plain facts are; best case scenario these youth feel shame, fear, sadness and so on, the worst case scenario they die.  It is difficult to find statistics on the number of youth suicides related to being gay or lesbian.  I am not really sure that the statistics in this case are relevant because there is no level of suicide by children due to their sexual orientation that we should ever consider acceptable.  

What can you do?  Find ways to help move this language out of society, do not be complicit in jokes that degrade gay people, regardless of your beliefs around rights for gay and lesbian people don't support the use of this type of language, don't role model homophobic language or jokes ever and especially in front of children.  Remember every single time this is allowed to continue there is a risk that a vulnerable youth may be at breaking point.  Help our politicians, role models and religious leaders to understand that referring to LGBTI people as sick, disordered and needing to be cured reinforces that there is something fundamentally wrong with the young person who is gay.  

As usual with my blog posts I really would like to hear your thoughts.  Ideas on how you can correct your friends/family without damaging your relationships?  Suggestions on talking to children about the language which can be so very hurtful and anything else that is on your mind about this topic.  

A

Copyright Adele Fisher 2014