6 of the best questions to answer!

A friend of mine shared this video by Wayne Goss, the make up artist, with me.  I loved it and decided to take the questions from it and answer them myself.  In some areas I agree with the guy in the video and others not so much.  I'd love others to answer these questions also.  

Video 

When did you know you were gay?

It seems like such a mundane question however it is very interesting and I am sure the answer is different for every person.  Like the guy in the video I cannot pinpoint a moment.  I do know I was very open to the idea of gay people from when I moved out of home. My first experience with gay people was meeting friends once I left home and started my nursing training.  I now know that of course it would have been unusual that I had not met gay people before that but it truly was a different time – even though not that long ago and I don’t recall any gay people in my life as a child.  Prior to moving out of home it truly was something I knew nothing about.  Perhaps I am showing my age.  Coming out was (to my knowledge) nothing that happened at my school. My school friends can correct me if I am wrong!  For me it is more of a case of when did I decide to live my life openly and that was when I met Monique.  Meeting my soulmate truly was the moment that I knew my life would be shared with her and I wanted everyone in my life to be part of my happiness.  My love for her made it clear to me that anyone who didn’t support us was not someone I wanted in my life. 

Is being gay a choice?

In a previous blog I talked about the ‘choice’ idea.  For those who didn’t read it I don’t know the answer to this question and I don’t particularly care.  Is being straight a choice?  No idea.  I’d love to hear the opinion of straight and gay people on this question. 

Should I ask my son, daughter, friend if they are gay?

I say no.  You can demonstrate that you are open and would be accepting without asking someone outright.  Especially parents, you can easily show your children that you support gay people and do not discriminate.  It actually is a deeply personal question.  By asking the question directly, not only do you risk putting someone in a difficult situation and making your relationship uncomfortable, but it is really a personal decision for someone to decide what the right time for them is. 

Should everyone come out?

My first reaction to this is a resounding ‘yes’.  However I’m really reflecting that from my own experience and circumstances.  As the guy in the video said, respecting your surrounding and circumstances is important.  If coming out would put you at risk you may choose not to.  I so wish that there wasn’t a circumstance that someone coming out would put them at risk.  Unfortunately that is not the world we live in.  Coming out in some countries would put an individual’s life at risk, other countries imprisonment and other criminal punishment.  Interestingly we don’t often think there is a risk to someone in countries such as Australia, the UK and America for coming out.  In most cases this is true however it is sadly too common for harm to come to people when they come out in these countries.  Parents have murdered their children for being gay, in fact for the mere thought that they may be gay.  People have been killed and physically assaulted because others either knew or thought they were gay.  Bullying is far too common and friends and family ending relationships with someone because they are gay happen too frequently as well.  So while I would love to hope that everyone could not only come out, but that coming out would be either not necessary just like people do not announce they are straight or that it would cause no negative reaction, that is not where we are right now. 

Ultimately it is the choice of the individual however I worry sometimes the difficulty and emotional harm people face by not being their authentic selves with people important to them.  I personally think that would be torturous and how hard it must be to maintain a facade. 

Have you ever had a bad reaction from friends/family?

The simple answer is yes and out of respect for those people I will not share the details publically on this blog.  Relationships have been strained and ended as a result.  It’s interesting though, in my experience and in Monique’s, often it is the people who you think will be OK that struggle and the ones that you think will not accept you that do in fact embrace you.  It is definitely not easy and far too many relationships are ended due to people not being able to cope with the idea that their friend or relative is gay.  Eye opening and very sad.  Times change and I hope that more and more people do not experience situations where they lose friends and family over being gay.  It’s strange to say how much respect I have for the people in my life who have stood by me from day 1, I wish it wasn’t something that was even a consideration, but it is.  I am thankful to those people. 

Any Advice?

If you are straight know how important it is to support people in anyway that is right for you.  Straight allies signing petitions, standing by our sides at rallies and taking our word for how important legal changes are fills me with hope.  Society will continue to change for the better when straight and gay people are side by side fighting discrimination and supporting equality. 

If you are gay – trust yourself and love yourself.  You are the person you are meant to be – live it if you can. 

Any of my gay friends or gay people who read this blog or Facebook page want to answer the same questions?  I’d love to hear your viewpoint. I've put the questions below so it is easy for you to copy them. 

When did you know you were gay?

Is being gay a choice?

Should I ask my son, daughter, friend if they are gay?

Should everyone come out?

Have you ever had a bad reaction from friends/family?

Any Advice?

A

Adele Fisher Copyright 2014