Our Commitment Ceremony

One evening in 1999 Monique and I were sitting outside near our pool and she proposed to me.  Including being on bended knee.  So very traditional.  What did this mean?  It meant we chose to marry each other and of course I said yes.  15 years later we remain engaged.  Unable to legally marry in our own country.  We can take a quick trip to New Zealand or a range of other countries however when we set foot back on Australian soil our marriage would not be considered valid.  Did you know that same-sex married couples that move to Australia do not have their marriage recognised even though it is legal in the country they married?

We decided to do the next best thing available to us.  A commitment ceremony.   This was before there was the fleeting Civil Union rights in Queensland and before the watered down Relationship Register which is akin to registered a vehicle or pet.

Our commitment ceremony was beautiful.  Months and months of planning.  Enlisting friends to help with catering, cake making and other 'wedding' planning.  We both bought beautiful outfits.  My dress was dark purple and Gothic in design, I had flowers in my hair and bare feet.  Monique wore black dress pants, a flowing purple shirt and purple Doc Martins.  We met beforehand with a minister from the Metropolitan Community Churches who officiated our ceremony.  He took us through a range of discussions quite similar to the marriage planning in conventional heterosexual marriage preparation. 

We had the ceremony in our backyard, flame lanterns lit the area and the ceremony started at 6pm.  We each had a male and female friend/family member as a bridesmaid/groomsman.  We walked out to the song 'She' by Elvis Costello.  Link  A stunning song that explain how important 'she' is.

As we walked out our family and friends blew bubbles and I will never forget the moment of walking through those bubbles heading to make a life long commitment.  A storm was brewing in the sky and there was thunder and lightening during the ceremony - some might say that was a bad omen, for us it was stunning and made the evening so memorable.  We spoke vows and we exchanged rings. 

The woman next door screaming abuse at her children was memorable also - that was something we could have done without. However that doesn't compare to later in the evening after the rain when Monique's mother slipped and fractured her ankle in three places.  So an ambulance visit was not in the plan but happened none the less. 

We were supported by so many people at our commitment ceremony.  A grandmother, parents, brothers, a sister in law, aunt, uncle, nephews and so many friends.  That day was magical and it meant so much at the time.  We celebrated our love and we had a huge party. The next morning we continued to be waited on by friends and then we headed off for a holiday.

Reflecting now though after all these years it was a party.  Definitely a party to celebrate our relationship however it holds nothing like a true marriage would hold.  Yes we live our lives in the same way married couples do however we are not married.  On our tenth anniversary together we bought each other new engagement rings.  It was at that point that I removed my wedding band.  Many may see my reasoning as quite petty but it is what it is.  I will not put that wedding band on again until we have a marriage that is legally recognised.

A

Copyright Adele Fisher 2014