Back to school

So now it's time to head back to school for the new school year. One in grade 3 and one in grade 5. The school knows us well by now and generally speaking there haven't been any issues. Both kids have faced the firm retort from a school peer saying there is no way they can have two mums. Our eldest handled that well, explaining different family structures to demonstrate it was actually possible. Our youngest had a harder time in prep when telling peers he had 2 mums. Kids laughed at him, told him it wasn't possible and so on. 

The hardest thing for us was he didn't tell us until much later. It was after the end of the year when somehow the conversation came up and he told us of what had happened. His response to this treatment was to never discuss his parents at school again for the whole year. Oh how our hearts broke when we heard that. To think he soldiered through the year at the age of 5 keeping his family structure out of the conversation. Our job is to arm our kids with tools to handle situations or to step in and help if needed and it's heartbreaking to think he toughed it out alone. 

Reflection is such a wonderful thing. With hindsight we would have checked in with him during the year on that specific topic. We believe we have very open two way communication with our kids and I can only guess he didn't want to hurt us so kept this to himself. 

So many people tell us how mainstream same sex headed families are today and in part I agree. We've come an incredibly far way, however there are still people who have never knowingly interacted with gay people and families and those who are deeply critical and/or homophobic. The feeling expressed by these people slap you in the face and bring you crashing back down to earth when you realise how deep their feelings run sometimes. I feel confident as adults most of us can generally tolerate the hate and ignorance but what about our children?  It is for them we must continue to seek further change. 

A

Introduction taking shape

My introduction is starting to take shape, all comments welcome.

1. Introduction 

I feel I hardly need to explain what prompted this book.  I’ll share with you though in case you are wondering what the reasons were specifically for me.  I consider that we were somewhere at the forefront of the gayby boom in Australia and even more so in Queensland.  That’s not to say that there weren’t countless families with at least one gay or lesbian parent already when we decided we wanted to start a family.  I expect there were families in the more ‘gay friendly’ parts of Australia even.  We though have found ourselves navigating many firsts. 

The birth of our daughter and the fact of her having two mothers was something some staff at the hospital had some difficulty with.  When we enrolled her in daycare it was the first time the daycare which had been open for 17 years had an openly lesbian couple with a child at the daycare and the same occurred when our daughter started school. 

Having those experiences now far in the past for us but actually occurring relatively recently, being since 2003, I have continued to find that although we are surrounded by a bubble of friends and family who are very accepting of our family that it is still not unusual to face situations which are awkward or ‘firsts’ for us.  Deciding that we cannot be alone with this and knowing the interest that people having shown in different ways we and other lesbian families handle a range of circumstances I felt it was time to embark on a book.  A book whose roots start in Australia and sharing the common experience of Australians as this is lacking in the resources available to families such as mine.  A book I hope will interest a variety of people interested in learning more. 

The aim of this book is to be a resource for many people.  Lesbian families, parents and children, and families to be, their extended families and finally a resource for teachers, daycare providers and anyone else who wants to learn more about how normal our families are alongside challenges we face.  Heteronormativity is a concept I will talk about many times throughout this book.  That is the unconscious bias within society where the social norms are related to a heterosexual model only and those that fall outside of this model are often not even considered.  Something as simple as filling out a form that lists options of mother and father only. 

Finally it is a book of promise and hope for where we can be in the future.  A place where our families are so much a part of the social fabric that there is no longer a need for books such as this one.  

A 

© Adele Fisher 2014

Interesting research finding with an Australian component.

This research taken both the international and Australian literature and brings together the finding for same-sex parenting.

An interesting highlight and something I agree with completely is Australia needs more policy and focus in the health, education, child protection and foster care systems when it comes to same-sex parenting.  

http://www.aifs.gov.au/cfca/pubs/papers/a145197/cfca18.pdf

Key findings:

"About 11% of Australian gay men and 33% of lesbians have children. Children may have been

conceived in the context of previous heterosexual relationships, or raised from birth by a co-parenting

gay or lesbian couple or single parent.

Overall, research to date considerably challenges the point of view that same-sex parented families

are harmful to children. Children in such families do as well emotionally, socially and educationally as

their peers from heterosexual couple families.

Some researchers have concluded there are benefits for children raised by lesbian couples in that they

experience higher quality parenting, sons display greater gender flexibility, and sons and daughter

display more open-mindedness towards sexual, gender and family diversity.

The possible effect of important socio-economic family factors, such as income and parental education,

were not always considered in the studies reviewed in this paper.

Although many Australian lesbian-parented families appear to be receiving good support from their

health care providers, there is evidence that more could be done to develop policies and practices

supportive of same-sex parented families in the Australian health, education, child protection and

foster care systems.

Additional key messages, relating to specific family structures and psychosocial outcomes for children

raised by lesbian and gay parents, are included throughout the paper."

A

Copyright Adele Fisher 2014 

I am going to write a book based primarily on the Australian experience and I hope that in time as this journey progresses, you will start to add comments and ideas to my posts.  I have so many ideas for this book swirling around my mind and there are so many directions I can take it in and so many concepts I could cover, however if I go down every possible path the book will never be completed.  So I have set myself a goal.

It's a time goal and that time goal is I will have the content of this book finished by the end of 2014.  It may still require editing and other work but the manuscript will be complete by the end of this year.

I am still happy with the contents and chapters outlined in my previous posts.

For those who are reading, thank you.  Just knowing that there are people like you who want a book like this one to come to life is what will keep me writing.

A

Copyright Adele Fisher 2014

Ill share!

While I have been thinking about writing this book I have recalled so many funny moments we have had along the way.  I thought I would share some of them with you and you might have some you'd like to share.  Please take the time to look at my other blog posts in case you have thoughts to share.

The getting pregnant part for us had many heartbreaking and may hilarious moments.

I remember being referred to as 'A social situation' by one receptionist needless to say we didn't go to that doctor in the end.

I remember landing at the airport after being away for a business trip, and it being 'the time' to go to the clinic, so Monique picked me up mid afternoon at the airport and we drove straight to the clinic.  Nothing like being on a plane one hour and going through IUI the next hour!

I remember one doctor having lost the vial of sperm.  Seriously how do you lose that???  Only to find he had it in his pocket!

There were and are so many occasions that make us laugh.  Our daughter explaining her family tree to the cashier at the fruit shop and the cashier not knowing what to say or where to look.  The vacuum sales man who would just not get the idea that I didn't have a 'husband' to discuss the purchase with.

What funny experiences have you had?


A

Copyright Adele Fisher 2014

I see you!

I see the page view count going up so something brought you to this page. Please share your thoughts through comments.  Everyone is welcome. A








Copyright Adele Fisher 2014 

Gay parents welcomeand other members of the LGBTI Community

Please know I welcome parents and parents to be and generally interested people, anyone from the LGBTI community and interested parties are welcome to give me your thoughts. This is an inclusive zone!  A
















Copyright Adele Fisher 2014 

5 Specific questions for you - yes you!

A couple of weeks ago I did a post that was about 10 questions for families with LGBTI parents.  I really appreciated everyone's input.  This time I would like to ask you questions (I've included questions for the non-LGBTI people too, no discrimination here!  ;-)  ) and open up the chance for you to ask any questions you would like when it comes to parenting as an LGBTI person or anything else that might be of interest. 

If you are LGBTI and have children can you answer a couple of questions for me? 

1. what have been your three biggest parenting challenges as a lesbian?  
2. what are two difficult questions your children have asked you about their family structure? 
3. what are two difficult questions someone else has asked you about your kids or your family? 
4. did you have your children within a lesbian/gay relationship?  
5. how old are your children?

If you are straight and have children can you answer these questions for me?

1. have your children got peers whose parents are lesbian/gay? 
2. do you have lesbian/gay family members?  
3. if you have a gay/lesbian child have they had good support either at school or in the workplace and from peers? 
4. have you talked to your kids about various family structures?  What information would help you do this? 
5. how old are your children?

Can't wait to hear your feedback!

A

Copyright Adele Fisher 2014 

Introduction nearly complete and new chapter list

Slowly I am moving ahead with the book.  No comments yet on my blog so far but please feel free to read and comment.

More chapters have been added and the introduction is nearly written.

Here is the new list of chapters

1. Introduction
2. Family Structures 
3. Conception and Pregnancy
4. Birth
5. Families and Friends 
6. A child, two or more
7. Day Care and School
8. Special Occasions and Celebrations
9. Those situations 
10. Those conversations
11. Legal
12. For teachers and carers
13. For grandparents
14. For those wanting to know more about our families 
15. Marriage Equality 
16. Q and A 
17. The views of our children 
18. Conclusion 

Copyright Adele Fisher 2014 

More ground work for my book

• Who is my target audience?  My target audience are lesbian parents, lesbian parents to be, grandparents, other members of the LGBTI community and I hope they'll even be parts for teachers, carers, straight people trying to understand, kids of lesbian parents, care givers and the list goes on.  It seems I may need to sharpen my focus in relation to target audience or perhaps it will be a cover all.  

• What will they learn? They are not alone, what ours and other people's journey have been like, ideas on how to approach some situations.   

 The framework and topics I am thinking of are: 

1. Introduction 
2. Family structures and their beginnings
3. Pregnancy 
4. Birth
5. Families and Friends 
6. A child, two or more
7. Day Care and School
8. Special Occasions and Celebrations
9. Those situations 
10. For teachers and carers
11. For grandparents
12. For those wanting to know more about our families 
13. Marriage Equality 
14. Q and A 
15. The views of our children 
16. Conclusion

If you have suggestions on these specific topics please include in your comments the chapter title you are referring to.

A


Copyright Adele Fisher 2014

Link to my previously published articles

Here is a link to the articles I wrote and had published in the Queensland Pride Magazine

My Articles



Copyright Adele Fisher 2014 

Day 1 of writing a book - Lesbian Parenting

Today is day one of me seriously planning to write a book.  It's an idea that I've had in my mind for many years and now I believe the time has come.  What's my great plan?  Well it starts here and it starts with you.  I want your input and thoughts as I move forward with this book. 

I am going to share with you what I am doing, where I am up to, what is working well, not so well and everything in between.

Here is step one I'm finding out what people actually want in a book on lesbian parenting.  So to start I have contacted a range of my Facebook friends for some starting ideas.

"Hi everyone. I've decided to take the plunge and do something I've always wanted to do i.e. write a book. I intend to write fiction but first I will be starting with an e-book about lesbian parenting. I am sending this message to you because you are all people who I expect might have an opinion on this or know what might be helpful to others. I have included people without children, with children, different stages of child rearing and different ways in which children were brought into our lives to get broad feedback. I hope by inviting you to comment I am not touching on a topic that brings you hurt. Please know that is certainly something I would never want to do as I respect each of you so much. Australia is lacking resources and information for lesbian parents so I'd really like to know what type of topics do you think would be helpful. So throw you ideas at me including: topics, style, issues, funny moments, and so on. Please feel free to forward this to anyone who might have an opinion or ideas to share. I can be contacted either via Facebook or adele000@gmail.com." 

I ask of you the same thing.  Share with me your thoughts and ideas.  While I am focusing on producing a book with an Australian focus I hope it will be valuable to others around the world also.  

Bring on your comments!  

A 

Copyright Adele Fisher 2014